Anonymous asked: why is your sense of humor so dry?
I dont see how it is dry. Explain yourself, sir or madam. Im legitimately curious.
My dad and I talking about how my boyfriend is beating me in my own game. We play a lot of backgammon and I taught that to him. And now he is whipping my butt almost 70% of the time.
berkeley: (10:09:51 AM) keep playting you will have your turn WINNING
I JUST GOT CHARLIE SHEEN’D BY MY DAD!!!!!
Brb, going to go jump off a bridge now. Life has nothing more for me to see.
At the end of a family holiday dinner in 2006 my mother asked if anybody wanted blackberry cobbler. The answer was, of course, yes from everyone. As we sat there eating, we noticed Mom had a kind of mischievous look on her face. When we were done, she asked us if we liked the cobbler. When we all gave it a thumbs up she turned to my Dad and said “ I told you those blackberries were fine!” which elicited a groan from my Dad and lots of “What do you mean?!” from the rest of us. Turns out the blackberries had been in the freezer since 1976 ! Instead of throwing them out like my dad wanted, she cooked them up and served them to her entire family. I guess butter and sugar can make anything taste good.
you guys mean to tell me out of 19 followers that NONE of you have scarring stories to post? nothing awkward that your parents have said, done, done to you in public, etc? common now.
i know my parents/teachers/friends are not the only ones who have scarred me for life.
Growing up on a farm in the 60’s I was accustomed to some of the tall stories told about the area. However, my mom was teaching me to peel potatoes because I was such a “good helper”. Yeah right, just another pair of hands available for some kind of job. So I’m whacking away at the potato and leaving quite a bit of the potato attached to the peeling. My mom tells me that when she was little she would peel the potato and not leave any potato on the peeling. HUH? What? I was looking at the potato in amazement and wondering how in the world do you peel a potato and not have potato attached to the peel? This is one of those “I walked five miles in the snow barefoot to school stories” in my opinion.
I have a friend who thought it would be funny to give me a big jar of cashews for Christmas one year. She saw the Saturday night live skit about the guy flipping cashews up in the air with his manhood. (If you have never seen it it is a very funny skit.)
She was talking about this skit one day and I said I had seen it too. This is what made her think it would be funny to give me the cashews and call me flipper as a joke.
Our oldest daughter started eating them one night. You know how it is when you start nibbling on snacks, you all of a sudden realize you have eaten half the jar.The next day she came into the kitchen and told her mother and me she was sick. We asked her if she felt bad and she said no but that she was sick. She looked a little scared and worried.I asked her why she thought she was sick and she told me to follow her. We went to the bathroom and she showed me what looked like blobs of oil on the toilet.She did not tell me she had eaten probably a pound or more of cashews the day before. It was the oil from all of the cashews she had eaten.
She was leaking oil for a couple of days like an old 1959 pan head Harley Davidson
I hope this made her realize you have to be careful of how much of anything you eat.
My wife and I have some friends who graduated from Appalachian State in Boone N.C.They got married after graduation and have always loved Boone. She has talked about buying a house in Boone for a few years.
My wife and I took a church group to Boone for a weekend. While we were there I stopped at a mud pit along the street. There was a man standing there and I asked if I could buy some land from him. He was confused when I reached down beside this puddle of water and got a hand full of dirt. I offered him a quarter for this land. He told me I could have it but I insisted on paying a quarter for it.
When we returned to the house I called my friend and told her I had bought some land next to water in Boone. She was so excited she could not stand it. I told her I would show it to her on a map when we got back home.
When we got home we went by their house. The wife was so excited she was beside herself. I took a map and spread it out on the table. I took the dirt which I had put in a zip lock bag and tossed it n the map and told her there was the land on the map. She slid the bag out of the way and said ” where is the land you bought”?
Her husband got it immediately, there was a short pause from the wife and then I was promply called a turd.We all had a great laugh about this.
She has since bought her dream vacation home in Boone and loving it and she still likes me (I hope)
So my dad texts me during class today and tells me that he has a letter from my college.
Me: yeah? open it. whats it say?
Dad: says your gpa is 1.972
Me: WHAT?! are you serious?! i have all B’s!! how could that happen?!
Dad: you better have all B’s.
I then get up and run out of the class I am in at the moment in tears trying to figure out what went wrong and why I would have a 1.972.
I called dad from the bathroom in tears and he starts laughing as I am bawling in the bathroom. He was like “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it would be that bad. Its only about your change of major.”
Me: DIDNT THINK IT WOULD BE THAT BAD?!?!?!?! *sniff* YES IT WOULD BE THAT BAD!!! ITS IMPORTANT AND IF I DIDNT HAVE A GOOD GPA *sniff* YOU SAID IM GOING HOME NEXT SEMESTER!!!! not funny dad. At all. *sniff* *sigh of relief*
I then informed him I was in class.
Dad: Oh shit! I’m sorry!! Go back to class!! Oh God. I’m so sorry. Bad timing. By the way, thank you for your note. I appreciate it. (I recently sent him a note that said only “Love my Daddy. <3, Your Punkin.”)
Me: I send you a nice note and this is how you repay me? *grumble*
So I am recovering from that now. x.X
My wife is an artist. She does portraits of children in 2 mediums. Oil, and pastel.
She has done this for many years.She will have the parent bring the child to the house and take about four or five rolls of film so she can refer back to them. Once she had the pictures taken she would go and have them developed at the same place every time. Since she had done this so many times she got to know the developer personally over the years. When our kids were 6 and 3 years old they thought it would be fun to play with moms camera.
Mom took a bunch of rolls of film to be developed. After they were developed she would pull out about 20 pictures to give to the parent to pick a picture out of what they wanted the portrait to look like.
On this particular day she went to pick up the pictures and the developer gave her a real funny look.She wondered why the funny look until she opened the packs of pictures and found five or six pictures of our girls naked. They had posed for each other and taken pictures.You can imagine the horror my wife felt when she saw this. She opened these pictures while she was standing at the developers desk. He just stood there and watched her reaction when she saw the pictures.After stating she was going to kill the kids, she and the developer had a good laugh about the whole thing.
This happen over 10 years ago which is lucky for her. Today she would be arrested and locked up. Its a good thing the developer knew her well enough to know this was just two kids taking what they thought would be funny pictures.
Things that make you say “O shit I will kill them”